Lorent:  hi there, im lorent and you are
ryan:  hey
ryan:  ryan
Lorent:  hi ryan, how are you
ryan:  im great
Lorent:  busy lifting weights?
ryan:  and you?
Lorent:  hehehehe
ryan:  hahaha
ryan:  di naman
ryan:  facade lang yan
Lorent:  im doing great as well
Lorent:  hahahahaha
Lorent:  well it seems ur hardwork paid off
Lorent:  your body looks great
ryan:  haha
ryan:  nah, not really
Lorent:  asus
Lorent:  so what do you do?
Lorent:  san ka pala in paranaque? may parents stays at gatchalian
ryan:  sa may sluls
ryan:  slums***
ryan:  gatchalian is too fancy
Lorent:  hahaha whatever
Lorent:  ur funny
Lorent:  so ur working
ryan:  yeah
Lorent:  where?
ryan:  workin my ass out so that i can get out from the slums
Lorent:  anu ba
Lorent:  r u for real
Lorent:  ur pics shows ur well off
ryan:  facade
Lorent:  i dont beleive it
Lorent:  hehehehe
Lorent:  with the words ur using
ryan:  are my pics that well scanned?
Lorent:  hahahahaha
Lorent:  are your really serious
ryan:  words? im tom ripley of the world, if you get my drift.
ryan:  :)
Lorent:  ay naku ur funny tlga heheheeh
Lorent:  hey anyways got to sleep
Lorent:  laptops running out of batt
Lorent:  care to exhcnage numbers?
Lorent:  :\
ryan:  maybe next time
ryan:  gandang umaga
Lorent:  ok ok
Lorent:  see u around
ryan:  :)
ryan:  will do
*** Lorent's IC window is closed

 

Today is my 24^th new year. I saw SITC the movie a couple of days ago (yeah, late eh?), and now i wonder when will i be able to experience new year with a kiss. Yeah i had those scene where new year was spent with family, new year with friends, new year wearing something just now i realized is the wrong choice of, ahem, slippers, see those are all singulars, because most of my new years are spent alone in my room smoking endlessly because every year quitting those cancer sticks is on the top of the list of my new years resolution. And this year? Well its still all the same except a little fancier (for me at least). Its fancy career wise because i never had enough sleep for the past three days, i barely had 6 hours of sleep from a technically three day shift. Clinical duty, transport nurse, clinical duty. Its fancy because i should be, at this moment, have been trying to get some good night sleep instead im watching reruns of brothers and sisters while making a blog entry through BIG. I'm old enough to experience grown up new year, maybe tons of booze and a post holiday throbbing head. But really all i want is a new years kiss. And also there's one thing i missed this year, its a yearly tradition and not being able to do it this year bothers me. This year, i didn't hear mass, just like i didn't hear mass on Christmas, just like i haven't gone to church for weeks now. Its a problem, it is a problem

 

I got a new baby. I call him BIG. He's one of my biggest buy for almost 25 years. In my barrio, he's not a necessity but my needs was never really in tune with them. Today i have decided that he will be my life. My existence will evolve around him. Ill own him and he doesn't have any say about this. I will control our relationship. I get to decide where we dine, hangout and chill. He's an ideal partner for i know he will submit to all my whims. It had took me awhile before i decided that i should get something like him. He's not as fancy as what my friends bought for themselves but i know, he'll do what he can just to make me happy. I was never high maint so i know what he has to offer will be good enough for me. He will complete me. I am perfectly happy with him until my asperger friend jomar took a leap and said..

“oh, im happy for you, u finally decided to get a lappy.”

i

call

mine

BIG

what the fuck is a lappy?!!!!

just before the end of shift last night. something came up, a 10 year old patient needs to be transfered to cdo early morning today. its one big irony for us to be delighted on the taught that we will be transfering a patient to another city because our physicians are rather incompetent on the presented case. we are delighted because transporting a patient means money. i had to swipe out early to get some sleep but sleep i didnt get. but then a thought came why slumber didnt visit me, i was too afraid to see the person i ended up seeing in my dreams. i didnt want to see him again frightened that i might not be able to let go. think dead-denny waiting for izzey to get back from seattle grace. pardon the comparison but this is how it is for me now. i wanted so much to lead a zen lifestyle i didnt want a stupid dream hold me back from graspin the now, the present. had i not manage to function daily i would have made a self diagnosis of clinical depression for myself because this thing had been going on for months now. on second thoughts, no, this is no denny/izzey. denny, even for awhile till he died, loved izzey. somehow he stood up and declared war with death just so as not to see a tear roll down her cheeks. he left something for her even after his death. and now he stays beside her as a product of her imagination convincing her that no matter what, he'll stay beside her. what i have in my dreams isnt a tad bit like that. its less tangible as it is in real life. even with this realization, i ask myself, why is it so hard for me to let go?

officially, i have been awake for 30 hours straight. on these days i get so proud that im a nurse i seem to neglect the effects of our lifestyle to our health. at work last night i was coughing and sniffing around the ward like i needed a loading dose of steroids. aggravated with my cravings for ice cream i might as well make reservations for in-house admission. i must admit that on this particular day, i didnt mind working my brains out while im feverish. had it been any ordinary day, i would have called in sick and spent hours smoking and chattin bout rather too socially relevant topics with marco and earl. but this was no ordinary day, i know deep in my hypothalamus it wasnt. just after i had my quick dinner at michaels, aunt dely called. she was extremely pleasant. the call was brief. but with that brief catchin up, i knew, things already changed. adrian asked if i was gettin all emo-ed considering the things i just realized. i said no, it was pride who made me key in a reply that goes something like.. "no, no time for emo. this is one of the more mature things i had to decide in life, a decision devoid of emotions."

coldplay

enigma

evanescense

butterfly effect

wicker park

jose cuervo

salt

kalamansi

apples chopped bitesize

marlboro gold

5 peso lighter with a missing head

marco

edu

enzo

earl

old furniture shop

chops of wood

(would have been a perfect indie flick scene if not for marco's concern about my pending plans for manila. you can work more on the emotions marc, i know you too well bastard.)

grandpa woke me yesterday with a big bang and an inaudible "naka migo sa gawas nangita", the bang was followed with a sprint from my bed to the main door. i didnt go out right away since i didnt want to seem excited if ever the person in my dream seconds earlier appeared in our doorstep. i saw an unfamiliar vehicle parked right across our gate (its a major sin not to recognize someones car in this small city) and a tiny hand with tiny cigarettes waving. it couldnt be him, and really, it wasnt really him. it was neil, this visit is neither unexpected nor expected since he had mentioned crashing sometime before but was waaaaay before. since i live in a barrio, no entertainment. so i suggested we hit the road and talk. on the way downtown, he made an expected turn on a path that would double the duration of the travel, he said he wanted to revisit the bridge ( somehow a landmark for the young generation ). as he was about to talk i cut him out by suggesting he teach me how to drive. he said okay so before we know it i was already on the drivers seat and tryin to get the car started. the road is pretty wide and less visited by regular PUJ's so i was pretty confident that this stint wont be the end of us. again, like most moments precious to me, i barely recall what happened except the distinct feeling of elation that finally i was able to drive a car. i was never adventurous so this things matter to me, when i first hit the water during a scuba trip, when i first jumped from tagulahi falls and now driving a car. the experience was brief since we were headin on steep road so neil asked me to pull over (even his instructions to pull over didnt fail to make me feel jaded), i saw a chop of wood and aimed on it. i greatly missed the piece of wood but i was able to pull over safely. its like failing to do something but not regrettin since after, i remain unscathed,   

two consecutive days I missed an appointment to the dentist, two consecutive weeks i missed hitting the gym, two consecutive months im missing engr, two consecutive years i missed opportunities because i didnt want to leave home, two consecutive decades i missed life because i was busy living someone else's.

,,,,,,,,

yah well your still so young
but you feel so old
its just the things you been through
that are making you cold
i think your going to turn soon
i gotta be careful with my moves
just might loose you for good
listen i cant fight your demons
cause id have to fight you
cause there so far inside you
and i just cant seem to get through
it aint none of my business
it aint none of my place
yah but i still had to try


la la la la la la la la la la